How am I feeling about turning 50?

I am now 50 years old! Crazy times!

My physical health

I’m probably at least as healthy as I was in my 20s. (Healthier because I'm not a drunk!) I'm probably not quite as strong as I used to be, but I'm working on that with yoga and outdoor activities. I still ride my bike to the farmers market. I still walk almost everywhere. I still go dancing when I can find someone to drag along. I'm grateful for my desire and ability to do those things.

I'm working on staying strong and lean as I continue to age. More physical activity. Less meat and sugar.

I went through so much in my 40s and am grateful most of that shit is done (migraines and intense periods). It robbed me of a lot of valuable time.

My mental health

I have so much less anxiety than I used to. I have a whole toolbox to deal with those feelings, and I’m happy for that knowledge. I have less attachment and more peace. I feel content and grounded. I’m definitely the most mentally fit that I’ve ever been.

I’m happy for the wisdom I’ve gained (through lots of mistake making), but I also sometimes wish I could make some of those mistakes over again because they had intense elements of fun.

My appearance

Although I've gained a few pounds lately and am having trouble getting them off, I love the way I look. I don't spend a lot of time in the sun, and when I do, I wear a wide brimmed hat. I treat my body pretty damn well with how I eat and by keeping moving (and by keeping my stress down). My body is going to need lots of movement as I age, and that can only help with the aging process.

My bottom line

I wish I had more money in the bank. I'm sure that sentiment is shared by tens of millions of Americans. There were so many years that I could've been saving but wasn't, mostly because nobody talked to me about money when I was young. Sometimes I had extra, but sometimes I didn't. And I didn't have the benefit of a matrimonial household to split after a decade or two of marriage (or wealthy patents to buy me a house). I haven't always made the best decisions about money, but I did the best I could at the time. I've lived an amazing life and am trying my best to balance a fulfilling life with planning for the future. I'd like to own a home again some day, but with all that's going on in the world, that's not my first priority right now. I’m confident that I can live a happy life even if that never happens again.

I sometimes lament the “lost” time that I spent over the years learning the things I needed to know about money. (I still don’t know it all.) And the time I lost from my career from migraines. But I am where I am, and that’s OK. It’s more than OK.

My career

I never dreamed I would actually have a “career.” I thought I would only have “jobs". Learning a marketable skill is the best thing that ever happened to me, especially since I am really good at it and enjoy it.

Not only did web development give me an income, it gave me the ability to create opportunities for myself. I built another business around a custom website I built (and my winning personality). Women With Moxie was one of my proudest accomplishments.

I’ve used my web development skills for some cool things, including helping others.

I do envision transitioning to a new career at some point, but I am still contemplating what that will look like.

My relationships

One of the best things I learned in life is that you can be whole and happy without being in a romantic relationship. I’ve had some relationships with good people that didn’t last because maybe they weren’t a good fit or didn’t have good relationship skills. I’m not in the market for a relationship but would relish finding a great partner to grow old with. Someone who wanted to dig in and do the work with me. Someone who takes care of himself and wants to be healthy and active. I could use a snuggle partner and someone to do activities with.

But, until then, I’m happy with my relationship with myself (and Libby!).

I have so much love in my life between family and friends. I am always surrounded by love. ❤️

My life so far

I never dreamed when I was a child that I would do some of the things I've done. My sites were super low until I moved to Florida and saw what was else possible. No one in my family had the same ambitions as me, which made it even harder.

I’ve visited 16 countries. I have a master’s degree. I’ve owned several businesses. I’ve started cool art projects. I give hugs to strangers for fun. I acted in a commercial for money. I have been in several political commercials. I had a radio show. I was part of a podcast with a couple friends. I’ve made numerous radio show appearances. I had a column in my hometown newspaper. I’ve flown in a helicopter over Ireland.

Although I still often feel like an outsider because I’m not one to get on board with lots of trends or “the way people do things”, I’m happy with who I am. I’m happy being the “different” one sometimes.

Another great thing I learned to do in my life was to appreciate and prioritize joy and the sources of joy. That’s what keeps me going. Moments of joy, both big and small.

My future

I am definitely looking to transition my career (at the right time) to more of a leadership focus. I’m starting to put the pieces together for that now. I want to do more speaking and writing. I’d also like to work with women who could benefit from what I've learned in life. I haven’t been volunteering since Covid started, and I need to be giving back more again.

Whatever I do, I will do it mindfully and in the best way to ensure my future is secure and I am doing things that align with my purpose.

The Cursed Apartment: Part 1

My landlord and I joke that the apartment next to me - Apartment 5 - is cursed.

When I moved into the building, Apartment 5 was occupied by a guy named Adam who had apparently lived there for 5 years.

We both worked from home, and very soon I would learn of Adam's anger issues. The kitchen windows of our apartments were at a 90 degree angle, and when we both had our windows open, you could hear things very clearly between apartments - especially if he was in his kitchen.

The first time I heard him rage scream, I assumed he must just be having a bad day. But I soon learned that Adam had a lot of "bad days". He would go from zero to "Fucking bitch!!!" in a split second.

There was never anyone in his apartment, so he was either talking to his poor cat, actually saying that to someone on the phone, or just venting into the air. I'm guessing it was mostly the latter.

As a woman, when I hear a man spitting with anger and using the word "bitch" within 15 feet of me, it is very unsettling. I honestly one time was in my kitchen, heard him screaming, and dropped to my knees to crawl out of the kitchen so he couldn't see me.

Every day, it seems, a man snaps and shoots up the nearest victim. Was I going to be the scapegoat for his rage? Was he going to burst out of his apartment with an AR-15 and start shooting? These are things I actually pondered.

At least a year passed, and I accepted that he was probably just a harmless person who never learned how to deal with his emotions. Isn't that the case with so many men?

I'd been there a year or two when he decided to move to Vietnam and teach English as a second language. What an exciting adventure and perhaps a great opportunity to experience a more gentle culture.

His parents came to help him move his stuff out, and do you know what they did? They screamed at him almost the entire time. One of my neighbors witnessed it. Adam ended up crying. How sad that he had such a poor example.

Apparently after a few years in Vietnam, he returned to the U.S. and asked our landlord if she had anything available. She said no.

Currently

Enjoying some beautiful flowers on my desk from the farmers market.

Contemplating human nature.

Gearing up to write another book.

The Joy Clinic with Elsie Gilmore

50th Birthday Edition