Recently, I was thinking about the term “gold digger.” It almost always applies to women unless you've been with a man who's a narcissist. But I digress.
A gold digger usually refers to a woman whose main objective in a relationship is to get and spend her partner’s money. Often, this is accomplished using her sexual prowess and physical appearance. This term is almost always used in a derogatory way.
In a roundabout way, men have always been gold diggers. A wife used to be someone whose labor was exploited so her husband could have meals cooked, the home cleaned, things mended, his sexual needs met, children bore and cared for, errands ran, etc.
You could say that it was fair because she got housing, food, and the love of children. (She also often got abuse.) However, for most of history, she did not have a choice because her rights were limited. She could not have owned land or opened a bank account or held a job in many instances. She was trapped in the patriarchy. To this day, women still make, on average 17% less than men for the same work.
You might wonder if I've ever used my sexual prowess to get things in life. You're damn right I have. And when I look back, it feels like reparations in honor of all those behind me who lost so much to the patriarchy. Considering the amount of objectification I alone have experienced, I’d say I let them off easy.
Most men do not comprehend that they are being “gold dug” for the simple reason that they’re getting what they want and that makes them happy. Shouldn’t men be happy? They should. Women are kind to extend this service to them.
Unfortunately, gold-digging mostly works if you're young and attractive… two things that are becoming a memory for me. So, the whole system will never be fair. But gold diggers never force anyone to do anything. It works because men are weak and horny. They can hardly be seen as the victims in something they voluntarily participate in as long as the woman is doing everything in the open.
One complication today, especially for men who would otherwise be enjoying their half of this arrangement, is that many women make enough money to not desire this setup anymore. Men who would happily succumb to being “gold dug” have no takers because women find it easier to just make their own money.
In the past (and sometimes present), men have more forcibly threatened women with punishment in the workplace and at home for not succumbing to their sexual whims. So, why are women demonized for simply giving men what they want in exchange for what the woman needs? This seems like a fair trade and much more civilized than it used to be, with women being willing participants instead of subjects of abuse or exploitation.
Why do you think OnlyFans is successful? Hooters? Strip Clubs? Women are marketing products that men want, and men are willing to pay for them.
So, instead of thinking of some women as “gold diggers,” we should think of them as pioneering feminist entrepreneurs who know their market.
🦩 Everyday Adventures
My Spleen Hurts
I have a tip for you: don't let your 15-pound cat stand on your spleen.
You see, when I'm lying in bed, Libby likes to curl up against me. To do this, she puts her front paws up on me and then sinks into the snuggle. If I'm laying on my back, the preferred (by her) position for her to do this involves her standing, for a few moments, directly on top of my spleen. I usually wince in pain but never thought much about it until the other night. I was feeling intermittent pain, and my side under my ribs felt quite tender. I admittedly got a little worried.
A few days later, after no spleen standing, it felt fine.
I did some research, and spleen issues are not something I want!
Romanesco Anyone?
The farmers market didn't have any decent-sized cauliflower last week, but it did have this freaky-looking vegetable:
I'd never had one before, so I took a chance that it would roast up like cauliflower, and it did.
I tossed it in olive oil, butter, salt and garlic powder and baked it at 425 degrees for 25 minutes. So yummy!
😥 What's Keeping Me Up at Night
Gaza: Still Being Bombed
Gaza was bombed all through Christmas.
While you were eating a smorgasbord of food with loved ones, small children were being pulled out from underneath collapsed buildings. Sometimes, they die. Sometimes, they lose a limb or two in an operation performed without anesthesia.
Never before has a bombardment like this been live-streamed while it’s happening.
I know other atrocities are happening in the world right now, but this one is of a disproportionate intensity and is highly visible on Instagram. I know the names of three journalists there and feel attached to them: Hind, Motaz, and Bisan. They’re all in their 20s. One of Motaz’s tragic photos was just chosen as a best photo of the year by Time Magazine. It’s the first one at the top of the page. You can scroll down to read about it. He was also on the cover of GQ Magazine’s Middle East edition.
Already, 106 journalists have been killed in Gaza. That is unprecedented and seems unlikely to be an accident.
I feel helpless as these people fear for their lives day and night. As they search for food and water to stay alive if the bombs miss them.
I wonder how I would fare if I had to stand in a 2-hour line to use a bathroom. I wonder what the women do during their period. Do they have supplies? How do they cope?
Many are living in tents right now. It’s a low of around 50 degrees for the next week. High of 70. Do they have enough blankets? Do they all have something soft to sleep on?
While I cannot directly do anything for Gazans, I can connect with them through art. Along with building a website to help asylum seekers in my hometown, I purchased a cross-stitch pattern from a Palestinian artist on Etsy. It’s a traditional tatreez pattern that is used throughout Palestine. It’s going to be beautiful, and I can’t wait to start it. The colors are lovely and not represented accurately below.
I also donated to the Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund and was given a flag pattern by another Palestinian artist on Instagram.
📑 Project Updates
Cross Stitch
It is done! (Just this morning!) I’m so thrilled. Now, I just need to frame it and ship it up north to my sister.
While finishing this, I decided to make it into a funny game. So, I will make up a card and a chart and tell my sister that she must gift it to another family member next Christmas and record who she gives it to. We can pass it around the family every year, and it will be a hoot. Then it really WILL be a god damned family heirloom!
Having decided this, I need to get my sister another gift that is just for her!
Next, I’ll be doing a very small one for my nephew, who is about to welcome his first child. Stay tuned for images of that.
Then, I will start the Palestinian tatreez pattern.
The Hugmobile
The annual neighborhood artist studio tour is coming up in a few months, and I have participated the last two years. This year, we are being asked to pay $25 to participate (along with the annual dues we pay to belong to the artist enclave). That doesn’t seem like a lot, but I don’t make much money at this event. I sell a few packets of postcards, but I really do it for the hugs.
You can help support the hugs with a paid subscription to this newsletter!
🎆 Happy New Year!
I know 2023 was rough for many of us. My business was crazy slow (but thankfully, it still supported me). I watched friends struggle to get jobs. I held my breath as my rent was raised for the third time in two years and prayed it would stay the same for another year. The world feels very uncertain, and it often feels like no one in charge is looking out for us. But that’s precisely why we need to be there for each other.
We can’t let petty differences divide us at a time when we are much more powerful together. We need to speak and act respectfully toward each other. We need to have patience. We need to act kindly and know that our commonalities outweigh our differences. May we find power in numbers this coming year.
⏰️ Currently
💻 Trying to wrap my head around getting back into deep work mode next week.
✏ Trying to wrap my head around writing in my book every day starting next week.
📈 Working on deciding what goals to pursue in 2024. Stay tuned for that.