What a House Says About You

And what I want mine to say about me

While the house I'm trying to buy is bright and cheery (albeit in a well worn way), something about it also makes me sad. The spare bedroom is being used as a storage room instead of a place for guests to visit. There's no couch in the living room, only individual chairs. The dining table is small and pushed to the side of the room.

It looks like the house of a lonely person.

My plans for the house are the opposite. The spare room is the one I will brighten up first. I want people to come visit me! I'll need a new couch and plan to find one right away so I can sit around with company (and have a place to snuggle).

I'm going to get at least a 6-person dining table (8-person if I can find one with a leaf) so I can host potluck dinners ale game nights.

I'll also be creating a patio seating area in the backyard.

This house is for inviting people in and creating community, things that weren’t as easy in my current apartment because of its size and disconnection from the street.

I hope the owner is moving to a situation full of love and warmth.

House Inspection

I found out before the inspection that there are no lead pipes in the house. This is a big issue in that area, so this was great news!

A friend kept saying, “Just make sure this is the house you want.” I assumed he meant that I should make sure the inspection doesn't show that there's anything wrong with it. Because, of course, the house I really want would be built in the 20th century. But the house I can comfortably afford without being stressed out all the time by the capitalist machine is this one, and I think I could be happy in it despite its age and wear.

The inspection itself went great. No major issues and only a few things that need to be taken care of right away. One of those is replacing the water heater. It's gas and I'm debating between replacing it with the same or with an electric on-demand water heater. Electric would definitely be safer, and I’d love to get away from gas altogether, if possible. I imagine more of the northeast's electricity comes from renewables.

Financing Update

Did you know someone can’t just give you money to help you buy a house? They can't GIVE IT TO YOU without signing a document saying they were really giving it to you and not loaning it, and they'd probably have to be related to you. And if they lend it you, it makes the house harder to buy. Then the mortgage company can count that as debt against your debt-to-income ratio. Once you start applying for a mortgage, the bank apparently scrutinizes all money that comes in and all the money you use for closing costs and downpayment. Have I mentioned how much I fucking hate banks with a white hot passion? Sadly, my credit unions aren't any better. They simply don't know how to help self-employed people buy a house. It seems like they actively work to keep them from buying one. Even if you've been self-employed for over 20 years and your rent is the same as your mortgage payment would be (AND you have a great credit score AND money in the bank).

Bottom line, if you think you're going to apply for a mortgage and will need downpayment help, get that help in your bank account a few months before. Then the bank won't care about it. It's just really arbitrary and dumb.

I know there are other ways around the giving and lending limitation. For instance, someone could give/lend me multiple checks under $10,000 over a series of weeks, and it would fly under the radar because it would look like income.

It's just infuriating that I have to work so hard for things that other people with my same gross income don't. It's really dumb and unfair, and it makes me angry. I've spent A LOT of time in the past few weeks dealing with anger. I'm viscerally angry on a daily basis.

If you try to operate outside the capitalist system, you will eventually get punished. They'd rather punish you for your deviance than take your actual money. They don't want to reward your defiance. Their message to me is that it would be better to start off home ownership without a penny in the bank than give me a loan that would result in a $100 higher payment per month. *rage scream*

I am still not sure whether I will end up owning this house. But I've decided that I'm packing up everything I own regardless. I’ve already started. I will leave St. Pete either way. That is the reality. If I don't get this house, I'm not sure what I will do next. But I can't do nothing, because I will be in a very bad place mentally.

I will either be moving toward something I really, really want or just moving away from something I no longer want (Florida).

I tried real hard to prevent yet another devastating home-buying experience, but timing wasn't on my side (and the banks definitely never are). I am still holding out hope, but I have to be prepared mentally for either outcome.

Worst of all, there are so many people rooting for me that if I fail, I will feel like I failed them all, too. I know they want to be happy for me and share in my excitement. I have not had a lot of excitement to share lately, so it feels nice to have so much support from friends and family.

⏰️ Currently

🧘‍♀️ Working hard every day to control my anxiety and anger

🪁 Letting myself still dream about living in this house

👭 Grateful to my friends for their shared excitement and moral support