Think Differently
We can train our brain to focus less on the negative... for our own benefit
I don't know about y'all, but my days are filled with anxiety. My income is uncertain. My body is constantly threatening to break. I’m worried about continued housing security and the rising cost of consumer goods.
I know I'm not alone, and I know it's hard to make big decisions or any good decisions under the pressure of anxiety. I'm sure that's why the scammers are so active during times like this. They know people are fearful and looking for solutions. They know you're more likely to believe that romance scam or housing scam when you're feeling like your options are limited.
Some anxiety is based on lies… that everything sucks and nothing will ever turn out right. But most anxiety is based at least partially on actual circumstances and the fear that we will not be able to make it through them. Most of my anxiety is about going broke from health issues, student loans or lack of income. The rest is about debilitating illness that also leads to going broke. To be honest, capitalism is a big source of most of my worries. I fear my government has been dismantled to the point where I will not be taken care of if needed… so that super rich people can pay less in taxes.
Everything feels overwhelming to me right now. Big things, little things. But mostly when a bunch of big things and little things are all happening at once. I think that is part of the objective of the constant chaos of this administration… that people will feel overwhelmed and give up. I don't really know how that benefits anyone, though.
Despite feeling super cranky about all of this, I am careful not to take my anxiety out on others (who are probably also experiencing their own anxiety). My issues are no more important than anyone else’s. I'm responsible for my behavior and don't want to increase anyone else's emotional burden.
Recently, I caught myself constantly thinking negative things, and I challenged myself to switch out negative words for neutral, positive or even funny words. Like, instead of traffic in Sarasota (where I had to go last week) being shitty, I thought perhaps the traffic there was “adventurous" instead. Your mind is malleable. It can work in different ways.
When my mind focuses less on the negative, it gives me space to have hope. Hope is something that can motivate us to take steps to avoid the things we're anxious about. If I'm lost in a negative funk, I won't be thinking about finding work or working on money-making side projects. Hope gives us confidence that things will work out. Hope also gives us space to go outside and take a walk, knowing that we can leave work for 30 minutes without everything falling apart.
The things you think and say won't change the current, on-the-ground situation, but they will change your emotions about the situation. Does traffic in Sarsaota harm me? No. Is it annoying? Yes. Do I need to bitch about it? No. Does bitching change anything? No. Bitching about things keeps the focus on the problem instead of the solution or just other less negative things you could be thinking about.
Sometimes it feels good (for a minute) to bitch about things, but it fills your mind and the ears of those around you with ugliness. Focus on the positive or positive solutions.
👀 Life Observations
Feeling Out of Place
As women get older, there is a societal pressure not to age. But that pressure feels different depending on where you are.
My car is 10 years old. I've actually never owned a 10-year-old car before. I generally get a newer one around year 7 or 8, but my current car has very low mileage. It also has very shitty Ford red paint on it that has not aged well in the Florida heat and UV rays. It's chipping off in big areas on the front and back. It's not hurting the car because those pieces are plastic, but it looks like shit. I've already re-painted one area, and the paint chipped off again, so I've given up.
When I'm driving around St. Pete, I rarely think about this. But on my way to Sarasota last week (a decidedly more image-focused place), I began to get self conscious about it. I only drove one fancy car there, but my cars always looked new and nice. Plus, Sarasota is a car culture, and having a good vehicle was good for business.
I will have gone to a party in Sarasota the night before you get this. I am starting to feel self conscious about the way I look. In particular, my teeth are not white. Not the pearly white they should be for the culture that is Sarasota. I've tried whitening strips and trays, but I tend to salivate so much while using them that they never work. Or maybe my teeth are just impervious to them. Either way, they don't seem to work. My teeth are strong, but they're definitely not white. We don't always get to decide which parts of us will age gracefully… where and how fast the wrinkles will come. And it's often prohibitively expensive (and frustrating) to fend off the parts we hate the most.
Sarasota gives me the most anxiety about aging, and I also feel self conscious about that in St. Pete but not as much. People here are more down to earth, although I've seen that shifting.
Then there's the Northeast. I wouldn't feel weird about any of that stuff there. It's one of the things I love about New England. They're honestly too busy trying not to freeze to death or get a tick bite to worry about what you're wearing or whether your car is perfect.
I know what you're thinking… this is mostly a “me” problem. And you're right. I'm anxious about my aging body and my shitty looking car. It's true. But there are definitely geographic areas that make me feel differently when I am in them. Perhaps because I want to belong there and don't feel like I do or can.
Speaking of my car…
A few weeks ago, I noticed my steering wheel was moving slightly back and forth, so I made a note to go into my dealership to get it checked it. But before I had a chance to do that, I had to drive down to Sarasota (as noted above).
Let's just say, I'm lucky my tire didn't blow out on the highway at the top of the Skyway bridge (pictured here in all its terrifying glory).
On the way home, my whole car was shaking, and I was driving 60 mph praying I’d make it home. I had looked at my tires several times throughout the day and saw nothing unusual, so I wasn't sure what was happening.
When I took it to the dealership the next day (driving gingerly to get there), they found a huge bulge on the inside of my front tire. I'm grateful nothing bad happened while I was driving it around.
📑 Project Updates
Journal
After having coffee with a friend, I’m committing to making some supplementary products to go along with my book and the Defund Billionaires website.
I had an idea for a journal with prompts, and I wasn’t sure how to approach it. A journal involves a different kind of design than a regular book. There will be lined pages that can't be laid out correctly in my novel writing software. I tried a number of things, including Canva and Word. I finally settled on Adobe InDesign. There is a bit of a learning curve for me, but I’m feeling good about the direction it's going. It will be a prompt journal to help people explore their relationship to capitalism.
Many of us never question whether capitalism is a good system. Like religion, it is often just “there”. And we often don’t have a choice (or feel we have a choice) of whether to participate in it.
The questions in this journal will get people thinking about why they accept capitalism the way it is, how it affects their lives, and how they can choose to make different choices.
I’m REALLY excited about this and would love to encourage people to start small discussion groups to talk about these questions in more detail.
I do not know if these will be ready by the June book fair, but I'm hoping to at least print off a sample by then.
⏰️ Currently
❤️ Feeling a lot of love from the party in Sarasota where I got to catch up with old friends
🏡 Still trying to find the perfect house to buy up north
🔢 Counting all my blessings over and over again