Irrational Thoughts
We live in an irrational world, so it’s no surprise that sometimes I have irrational thoughts. I see all the things that are basically building crises happening around us, and people can’t seem to get together to do anything about them (because companies pay big bucks to keep up divided). I highly recommend the book I’m Right and You’re an Idiot for more information on that. (Please buy from your local bookstore.)
I’m an environmental activist with a Master’s of Environmental Law and Policy, and I get really frustrated when I see where the trajectory of our actions (and inaction) is taking us. I once wondered to myself, “What if I set myself on fire and left a series of press releases explaining that I did it to bring attention to the climate crisis?”
Then someone actually did that. In Central Park. Do you know what his name was? Neither do I or anyone else. It was a 24-hour-news blip and had zero affect on the world.
For the record and out of respect, his name was David Buckel. He was a 60-year-old gay married man with children. Just before dousing himself with gasoline in 2014, he sent an email to the news media explaining, “My early death by fossil fuel reflects what we are doing to ourselves.” He was completely mummified from the intense fire before help arrived.
People wondered, “Why would someone in his position resort to such a drastic measure to make his message heard? Why would someone who was committed to the quiet, daily work of making change — and who was notoriously private — stage a dramatic public suicide?” I know why. Because, if you are a lifelong activist, like this man was, you become frustrated and discouraged when you can see that, not only aren’t things changing the way they need to (despite all the work you’ve put in) but that powerful forces are working to reverse any changes that have been made… and all for something as worthless as money.
Once I realized that Mr. Buckel’s self immolation did not make one iota of difference in the fight against climate change, I decided not to think about that again. There’s no sense doing it if it doesn’t help.
Today, there is a bill that is likely to soon pass in the Florida house that will mean anyone with no experience, possibly no background check, and no licensing of any kind can carry a gun around on their person all the time. There are 26 other states that allow this, and firearm crime rates have soared in them. Some Republicans don’t think the bill goes far enough because it doesn’t allow people to carry on college campuses. They think there shouldn’t be any “gun free zones” - you know like daycares and maternity wards. They also want to see “red flag” laws abolished that keep people accused and convicted of domestic violence from owning guns.
Believe me when I say, I’m already afraid of the licensed concealed carriers in Florida because I’ve heard the course you take is a joke. I do NOT feel safe with gun carriers around me. Studies have shown that people who carry guns are more aggressive during a confrontation, and let’s not even talk about road rage.
So, this morning’s irrational thought was that I could get a gun after this bill passes and use it to kill myself in public - highlighting how terrible it is to give people easy access to carry guns around in public. In reality, 20,000 of each year’s 30,000 gun deaths are from people taking their own lives. That is one reason waiting periods exist (but only if you buy from a licensed dealer).
Anyway, I could write up my manifesto about being able to live in a country without being terrified of everyone all the time because there is zero accountability or responsibility for owning a tool specifically designed to kill people. While I, a pacifist, will never put anyone’s life in harm. (Along with all the other pacifists I know, who do not contribute to the culture of fear and recklessness in this country.)
Then I could livestream my suicide on all social media channels. Maybe hype it up beforehand as some sort of free hugs stunt.
I could try to do double duty by threatening to kill myself and then have the cops show up who might inevitably, in their incompetence, kill me. Then, the country can talk about how bad our police institution is for 30 seconds. Right up until the next person is killed by a cop and everyone forgets who I am.
Even if I just killed myself to highlight our lax gun laws, no one would care for more than a minute. Isn’t that sad? Isn’t it sad that these outrageous and deadly stunts by thoughtful citizens in this country still don’t move the dial of the apathy that people have for these very pressing issues?
Someone can literally set themselves on fire about an issue, and that issue will not change and might even get worse.
Where is my right to “the pursuit of happiness”, which doesn’t include having to worry about every Jane digging in their purse and accidentally shooting someone because she has been programmed to be terrified of her own shadow and has no idea how to handle a weapon? How about when your 2-year-old accidentally shoots and kills you with your readily accessible and loaded gun in Walmart? I wish these were rare occurrences but, in reality, we have a lot of people in this country who lack common sense and a reasonable standard of care when it comes to handling dangerous weapons.
It’s really discouraging, to be honest. It fills me with despair sometimes. Why is their “freedom” allowed to put everyone else in danger? How can people not understand that giving everyone a gun with no training or accountability whatsoever is a terrible fucking idea? An acquaintance of mine had the audacity to say that an armed society is a polite society. Coercing people with force into being polite is not civilized. It is authoritarian brute control. The ones with the guns are not protectors. They are thugs. If the shit hit the fan, the armed folks who don’t want any rules would not fight a tyrannical government. They would BE the tyrannical government.
For the record, no, I’m not planning on killing myself any time soon. But I will say that watching humans extinct themselves is amusing and all, but I’d hoped for better (not worse) in my lifetime.
Now, you might be wondering, how the fuck is this post joyful? It’s not. Not everything in life is joyful and occasionally us mere mortals contemplate important yet icky things. Especially if we care about the safety and wellbeing of other humans.
What I will say is that I’m dedicated to being a pacifist. If that means someone is going to shoot me, then I guess that’s that. However, I’ve lived an entire 50 years and gone to a lot of different places - in big metropolitan areas around the world, walking around at night by myself - and never once got shot or feared getting shot. But I know that the more people around me that have guns and no sense of responsibility, the more likely I am to get shot in the future. Most people are not criminals but many of them are irresponsible and lack common sense. Those are literally the people laws are made for… people who are not bad but need some guidance.
Second, I still care enough about humans to think of ways, even irrational ones, to try to save them from themselves. It’s kind of ironic that me, who has no kids, is so concerned about an issue that increasingly affects children, now and in the future.
Firearms are now the leading cause of death for children in the U.S. I posted a Fox News article because they always seem to be on the side of the NRA, but they are also acknowledging the horrifying immensity of the problem. Our solution to guns being the leading cause of death for children: more guns and easier access to them. In North Carolina, firearm deaths in children rose significantly in recent years:
The report said that firearm death rates for children ages 0 to 17 increased 120.8% from 2019 through 2021 and by 231.3% from 2012 through 2021. “Firearms were the lethal means used in more than 70% of the 2021 suicides and homicides; especially among ages 15 – 17 (83%),” the report said.
And many of these deaths are PREVENTABLE INCIDENTS caused by the lack of care and knowledge of adults. But instead of making laws to protect and prevent, we are loosening gun laws to make people less educated about them and less accountable for their misuse.
This is a statistic for 2010-2015: “On average, a child in Florida was shot every 17 hours.” Really think about that. Every 17 hours. Now imagine what it will be when no one needs a permit to carry.
My conclusion: many Americans don’t care if children die, as long as it’s not their child. That may not be joyful, but it’s true.
I’m Supposed to Eat What?
I believe it is physically impossible for some people to ingest the amount of food/nutrients each day that are said to make you healthy.
According to Harvard Health Publishing, you should eat five servings of fruits and vegetables a day. Five. I might eat two on a good day. Three would be the max. One of the biggest reasons is that I don’t really eat a lot of food. And according to world-renowned longevity scientist David Sinclair, that’s a good thing. He recommends intermittent fasting and regularly skipping meals. But, how the fuck am I going to eat five servings of fruits and veggies a day?
My gastroenterologist told me I’m supposed to eat 25 mg of fiber a day. That is more food than I could possibly eat! I can put some peanut butter on an apple, but at that rate I’d have to only eat foods rich in fiber and nothing else. Fortunately, fruits and veggies are fiber, so I’m getting a 2-for there.
I don’t know whether these rules are all for athletes that burn off a ton of calories every day, but I’m with Mr. Sinclair on the intermittent fasting because I find the earlier I stop eating in the day, the less apt my middle-aged metabolism is to tack that shit right onto my thighs.
Whenever a doctor tells me I should add something to my diet, my first thought is, “What will I have to subtract from it so that I can actually eat that?”
And don’t get me wrong… these are all foods I actually like to eat! But I would be literally stuffing myself if I ate what they tell me I’m supposed to eat in the amount they say I’m supposed to eat it.
I guess that’s why they make supplements!
Currently
Wondering what I am doing here (Florida, this country, this continent)
Trying to stay focused on my why at a time when so many don’t even stop to ask why
Feeling thankful to be feeling stronger in yoga class