I was sitting around feeling ugh and remembered that I had two mushroom gummies left. I’d taken one weeks earlier and didn’t think it did much. The woman at the store said it was like micro-dosing mushrooms, but when I got the package home, I saw it said, “Not for human consumption.” Oh dear.
After I popped it last weekend, I hoped it wouldn’t give me a migraine because I wouldn’t want to mix anything with it. I started doom scrolling but remembered that with ketamine, you were supposed to set a pleasant stage for yourself. So, I started cross-stitching instead and told Alexa to play classical violin music. I loved the euphoria ketamine gave me, but I wasn’t feeling that.
I entered the kitchen to get some water and threw the last gummy in the trash. I felt off-balance and was glad I didn’t have to drive anywhere. Then I got to thinking and talking out loud about Gaza to Libby. (Don’t judge!) About how glad I was that she and I were safe, that we had a place to live so Libby could live indoors, and how we never had to worry about getting bombed. How some little girl in Gaza had a cat, and that cat was her only friend now. And then I started crying.
Oh, maybe that shit does work, I thought as I contemplated digging the other one out of the trash. I tried to remember the last time I cried. “I should be crying every day because of this shit,” I told Libby. “But instead, I’m holding it in.”
Then I thought about sex and how, often, when I haven’t had an orgasm in a long time, and a partner gives me an orgasm (which is less precise and efficient than when I do it myself, so it takes a bit longer and builds up more), the orgasm will be so intense that I will start to cry afterward. It is like a spiritual release of everything I had been holding inside me (anger, sadness, grief, love energy) that joins with the orgasm and turns into an eruption of magic.
Believe me, though, guys need reassurance that your crying in bed is a good thing. For this reason, I usually warn them in advance. (And thank them afterward.)
Giving myself an orgasm has benefits, but not like the uncertainty and urgency of a lover’s tongue. And not the spiritual benefits of a shared human experience.
Oh wait, are we still talking about crying?
I should do that more.
🦩 Everyday Adventures
Access to the Past
Last weekend, Ancestry.com, which I thought was owned by the Mormons but am just finding out is owned by BlackRock (good lord), made access to their Newspapers.com service free. Basically, you can search a database of newspapers going back hundreds of years that even include small local papers.
Because of this access, I and all my siblings learned for the first time that our father, who grew up in rural Vermont, hit a cow on his motorcycle at age 23 and got a concussion!
I also found out that my oldest sister had been reported missing at age 14. (I may have known she ran away, but not that it was in the newspaper.) You'll be relieved to know she was not far away and found safely.
Also, apparently, in the 60s, it was customary to have town updates in the newspaper that relayed every guest you had and every trip you took! My family was very active in those listings! It literally showed every time my mother visited her parents or my parents had their siblings over for dinner.
I also got to see the wedding announcements of all my and my siblings’ failed marriages. Oh, joy!
The one thing I was disappointed about was that they didn't have access to the Sarasota Herald Tribune because I was hoping to get a nice copy of my 4-page spread about Women With Moxie. The Newspapers.com service let me download a PDF of the whole newspaper page where each of the articles I wanted to keep were located. It seems like an incredible resource for researching the past - family or otherwise.
Property in Troy
I managed to miss the first tax payment on my property in Troy. They didn’t seem phased when I called (especially since it’s only $110 for a half year). I asked for the penalty so I could send a full payment. I have the next payment on my calendar, but they should send me a bill for that one. The last bill went to the previous owner.
I squeaked the school tax payment in under the wire as it was due February 29th.
Once I get some more cash in the bank, I’m going to plan a short trip up to survey my kingdom.
📑 Project Updates
Cross Stitch
I am getting very close to being done with the Palestinian tatreez piece. I wish Israel would get closer to a ceasefire in Gaza (and an end to its apartheid and occupation of the Palestinian people).
I thought I was set on my next piece (the Russian design), but then I realized I’d bought 16-count aida and really wanted 18-count. (It will make the design slightly smaller and is the size I prefer at the moment.)
I went back to the St. Petersburg woman on Etsy and found another fantastic dyed piece of aida that has a subtle antiqued look. I’m hoping it arrives by March 1st because I was going to work on that piece throughout the month of March.
I’ve been helping Bridge to Rutland with the first stages of launching their Annual Arts Marathon. You can now see the list of artists that have registered so far, including yours truly. I’m all set for my Long Dog Sampler cross-stitch piece, except for buying ten skeins of black DMC floss.
I also ordered some other supplies for my cross-stitching recently, including a lovely tote from Lands End that will arrive on Wednesday. That will be to store everything in. My rule will need to be that if it doesn’t fit in this bag, I need to use up some supplies before I buy it! For reals, I (thankfully) do not have the space to go crazy with supplies like some people do. I also got some tweezers that were suggested for extracting cat hair from a work in progress. (Yes, these are some of the very important things we discuss in our cross stitch groups.) Lastly, I got a cool-looking magnetic folding board to hold my pattern up while I’m stitching a piece. The patterns I’ve made so far had repetitive design elements in them, but the next two (and future pieces) will require me to look at the pattern more often, so I need it to be accessible, easy to read, and able to be kept safe when not in use.
Even though I said I wouldn’t, I’ve purchased at least a half dozen extra patterns on Etsy. They’re so inexpensive and are digital, so they won’t take up any room until I decide to make them. They are mostly intended as gifts and will fit in the round frames I described in my last post.
The Book
I am floundering a little on the book because I have reached a point where I probably need help from other people. In particular, I need an illustrator who can work with my vision for the illustrations that will be included.
I also think I need to keep editing the content down. It seems like once I do that and plop the illustrations in (along with a cover design), I can order some proofs of the printed book, which would be very exciting.
A friend of mine self-published his book last year and is now working with a publisher to re-publish an extended edition of the original book. That seems like an excellent way to go, so I want to emulate that. My biggest concern is just getting this out into the world in the least expensive way possible.
Collage Art
My collage art is another area where I have to intentionally control the amount of supplies I amass. However, I need to ensure I have a good variety of material at any given time. I am finding that old children’s books with illustrations are great for the kind of collage I want to do. Magazines are not so great as they don’t look very artistic (unless it’s specifically a magazine about art). Regular magazines are good for things like vision boards but not usually for my creative endeavors.
After posting about my Rand McNally last week, I discovered I have a much older Rand McNally in my supplies that I’d completely forgotten about. One of my paid subscriber postcards this month included a map section.
Over a year ago, I bought an enormous amount of birthday cards, which I just recently ran out of. In an effort to do even more collage art, I’ve decided the rest of my birthday wishes this year will be on collage art cards or postcards. I’ll see how that goes this year before deciding to buy more birthday cards (which can be very expensive). Perhaps I can find a few great birthday rubber stamps.
😥 What's Keeping Me Up at Night
Update on Gaza
People are starving now, especially in the north. Why do they stay there? They don’t want their homes stolen or destroyed, which seems to be one of the major objectives of Israel: to destroy everything. This, incidentally, is a war crime.
Netanyahu and many Israelis are acting like homicidal maniacs. These poor people have brainwashed themselves into a frenzy, and it’s terrifying. It’s terrifying to hear other humans talk about starving innocent people to death. It’s terrifying to hear other humans refer to children as terrorists. This is a sickness they’ve given to themselves, and I don’t know how they are going to be part of the greater world after this. They can only think that way in Israel because the rest of the world frowns on homicidal maniacs. The unfortunate problem is that some of this sickness has spread to America. Treating people like terrorists has spread to America. (But only poor people or POC.) Police acting like the military has spread to America. The sharing of surveillance equipment and crowd control weapons and tactics have spread to America (and are used on people exercising their 1st Amendment right to peaceably assemble). We should be terrified of Israel’s influence on America. Pay attention.
⏰️ Currently
📖 Trying to get through reading my first book of the year (Purposeful Empathy). I still have not mastered balancing cross-stitch with reading.
📝 Waiting for a signed contract from a client who just engaged my business for a fantastic project.
🌡 Feeling so much appreciation for this cool Florida winter. I needed it so badly.
Great read! Can’t wait for the book 😊