My high school science teacher recently passed away, and it reminded me of something weird I used to do in high school.
First, my science teacher - Mrs. Raiford - was an amazing woman. She was very strict but also extremely fair. She was a teacher I highly respected, and I know other students did, too. On top of being a great teacher, she had adopted two young children - sisters - who came from a challenging family situation.
One of her daughters was my age and had a bit of a rebellious streak… like myself. I was friends with her, and we hung out quite a bit during our senior year of high school. (I remember at least one day that we skipped school together.)
But when I'd go over to their house, I would clean her bedroom.
As you can imagine, my teacher loved me for it. (Alas, I was not in her class anymore at that time and thus did not receive any special grades.)
Why did I do that? I don't know. Her daughter’s room was messy, and I’ve always loved organizing things.
I had another friend who was also bad at keeping his room clean. When I'd go to his house, every drawer and hanger in his small room would be empty, and all his clothes would be on his bed or the floor. It was uncanny! So, I'd clean his room also.
Did I mention that my friends' mothers loved me?
I had a skill that those friends didn't possess, and I didn’t mind sharing it with them. And I always got value from their friendship in other ways that they were more skilled at. Plus, I liked going to other kids’ houses because mine was often kind of gloomy.
🌱 Learning & Growing
The Obligation of Giving
In many situations, being given things can feel like an obligation.
First, let’s talk about gifts. Gifts can often feel like an obligation to the recipient. In some cases, gifts are actually given with invisible strings attached. The giver wants to know if you liked it and will often check in on the gift at a later time to see if you still have it or if you’re using it. They seem attached to whether you liked their gift, regardless of whether they spent any time choosing it with your specific likes and situation in mind. We should assume gifts are given with the best intentions, and we can appreciate that about them. But we get to decide whether to keep or use a gift. We all already have a lot of “stuff” so it can be challenging to incorporate new things into our households, and we shouldn’t feel obligated to keep things just because.
The other thing people sometimes give with strings attached is advice. People mistakenly think that if they give you advice, whether solicited or not, you’re obligated to follow it. You are not required to do that. The only thing you’re required to do, if it’s coming from someone you care about, is listen. Once the advice has been given, however, you are free to consider it, follow it, or disregard it altogether. You know what is best for your situation.
A friend once embarrassed me at a dinner party because I didn’t follow the advice she’d given me that I didn’t feel was appropriate for my situation. When people keep following up on the advice they give me, it makes me feel like they think I am not smart enough to know my own situation and what I need. I’m sure they don’t mean it that way, but that’s how it comes across to me.
So, here’s my advice (with which you can do whatever you please):
When you give something away, let it go. If it is a gift, accept that the person who received it can do whatever they’d like with it, and it’s none of your business. If you do not let it go, then it wasn’t a real gift. If you give advice, know that it is just a suggestion you’re giving and not a demand. No one is required to follow your advice. If you give it to a friend, know that your friend will take it into consideration but that it might not be right for them. If you gave advice about something that your friend still struggles with, it’s not cool to assume that if they’d only followed your advice, everything would be fine. You should trust that they know what’s best for them.
📑 Project Updates
Cross Stitch
I had to buy a piece of felt to finish the gift for my nephew, and I'm happy enough with how it came out. The finishing-off part of cross-stitch projects is challenging and can sometimes be expensive. The back of his didn't entirely end up how I would've liked because I had to improvise due to the stiffness of the fabric. The felt was supposed to go on the outside, but I put it inside to cover the back of my stitches instead. I'm going to think through the next one a bit more beforehand. The messy part will be against the wall, so I don’t feel too bad about it.
Here is the front, which I think looks so cute! (There really are not any creases on the front even though the lighting makes it appear that way.)
I am planning to take my sister’s gift to my local frame shop this week so they can help me finish it up. Because I only need a little help with it, I’m hoping it won’t cost too much. On a bright note, a friend I was hanging with recently said he could make me frames for these. I’m excited to chat with him more about that. The problem with store-bought frames is that they’re not deep enough to accommodate the cross-stitch fabric after you’ve wrapped it around something to keep it stretched. (Most of the time, I can’t even get an extra mat in them.) That’s why I’m having to take hers to a frame shop even though I already bought a frame.
I've started my next project, which is the Palestinian tatreez pattern. It's a fairly simple one, and I might keep it, but I’m also considering selling it and making a corresponding donation to the Palestinian Red Crescent Society.
In the cross stitch groups I belong to, some people embark on these huge (24” or more), full-coverage pieces that use hundreds of different floss colors. Here's an example.
I don't know if I can get past the thought of keeping track of that many colors and committing to that kind of task, but some of them are cool. The patterns are dozens of pages long and must be dizzying to look at because each color is represented by a different symbol.
I've got my next few pieces in mind, and I love the satisfaction of finishing one in a reasonable time frame. I’ve seen some incredibly cool monochromatic pieces, and I’m definitely drawn to designs that use ten colors or less.
Some of the larger ones look like photographs because they are so detailed, but I actually like to see the cross-stitching in a more traditional way.
The Book
I’m still struggling to work on this. I’ve got some great ideas, though.
Whenever I think of sitting at my computer more than I already do, I get very turned off. So, it’s not that I don’t want to write it. It’s that it feels too much like work.
I’ll figure it out.
I always do.
Collage
I’m excited about making this month’s collage art for my paying subscribers. I already have some fun things cut up specifically for that.
Also, I’d like to sometimes incorporate cross-stitch into my collage. I have some leftover scrap pieces of Aida cloth, but you can also buy perforated paper that is meant to be cross-stitched on.
Perforated paper is just what it sounds like… a sheet of stiff paper with a grid of holes in it. People use it to make cards or framable artwork.
🍵 Tea and Other Beverages
Back in December, I ordered four little cups for tea and coffee. The first set are actually 8 oz “latte” cups. They came from a retailer in Texas.
Unfortunately, one arrived broken on the first shipment, but they got me out another right away. I haven’t tried it yet, but I’m going to make lattes in them. I just need to get some more milk. (I’m terrible at keeping it in my house.)
The inside of the dark cups is almost the same as the outside of the smaller cups - a very pale teal… almost a mint. The smaller ones said they were 7 oz, but they look much smaller than the 8 oz ones. I use the smaller ones for tea when I steep it in my adorable red teapot.
I’ve been greatly enjoying the loose-leaf jasmine green tea I got recently at my local tea shop. Plus, I had an unopened 50-bag container of Republic of Tea matcha tea bags from 2019 that I apparently decided I wasn’t going to drink. Girl, I go through phases! It’s crazy. Anyway, I’ve been drinking those every day, and they’re great. I’ll buy another container when they’re gone.
One of the tea companies I purchased from last month - Mark T. Wendell Tea Company - lets you buy 4 oz samples of any of their vast array of loose teas, so I ordered six of them and am anxious to slowly work my way through those.
Lastly, I tried the two CBD sleepy time teas from Harney & Sons. They both have virtually the same ingredients, but one container was tea bags, and the other was loose. The tea bags are great, and I do think they help me sleep. The loose tea is too… loose… though. It’s powdery and makes a mess, so I’m not keen on it. I went back to see about ordering more bags, and of course, they’re sold out.
🌻 One Positive Thing
Cornel West participated in a two-day, live-streamed emergency summit on Gaza that was put on by the Rainbow PUSH Coalition and the Reverend Jesse Jackson yesterday. Many people of color (including a favorite person of mine, Nina Turner) gathered to talk about how we can put a stop to the genocidal siege on Gaza.
When people of color and those who are marginalized are on a certain side of an issue, I typically want to be on that side. Also, when one side is seeking an impossible-to-reach goal that they insist must involve killing hundreds of kids every day and pushing 2 million people into starvation, I want to be on the other side.
⏰️ Currently
❄ Enjoying the (relatively) cooler air in Florida right now
🎈 Trying daily to figure out how to hone my focus to be of the most value
🌺 Sinking into the simple joys of cross-stitch, tea drinking, and paper arts
Hi Elsie, That's a sad situation with the gifts. My friends and I seem to give freely, and my home is filled with gifts that I like that make me think of my friends, and it's a comfort to me.