In Valerie Kaur’s See No Stranger, she talks a lot about the traditions she learned from her family and culture. She also calls on tools she’s used in justic work.
For instance, in confronting her cousin who had sexually assaulted her, she used an accountability and reconciliation method (based on truth and reconciliation commissions that are used around the world). Imagine having protocols for communication that you could call on in various challenging situations in your life.
My family did not have any traditions for holding people accountable. We often let the victim do all the suffering because no one had the strength to confront the aggressor. I remember one time at my mother’s house, my brother was screaming curse words at me. I got understandably upset and was leaving, and my mother tried to get me to be less upset—not by saying anything to my brother, but by putting the onus on me to, I guess, just ignore him. She didn’t ask him to apologize. She didn’t chastise him. After that, I didn’t speak to him for two years. He never apologized.
In my family, the victim was generally expected to suffer silently so as not to create waves or cause uncomfortable confrontations. (They did not see being treated poorly as something that created waves.) They let the victim feel uncomfortable so no one else had to. They let the victim suffer alone to protect the “peace” in the family. That means no accountability is had and the victim gets no support or justice.
We did not have any traditions for communicating effectively, and we consequently did it quite badly.
As another example, my mother left our house one day when I was 10 years old and moved out of state without telling my father (her husband) beforehand. (I was told 18 hours before she left.)
The best thing you can do for your children is equip them with the tools to handle various difficult communication scenarios. The ability to communicate in healthy ways is one of the most important gifts you can give them.
Cute little interview
Here is a cute little interview with Alexis Baum from my neighborhood association.
Sacrilegious Pie Crust
I just made what is probably the most sacrilegious pie crust ever.
I was told that for the ultimate crust, everything has to be really cold. The butter, the water, and your hands should even be cold.
But I'm not a perfectionist when it comes to cooking. I want few ingredients, fast recipes, and not a lot of precision.
I also have a very small kitchen, so I need the required tools to be minimal. I don’t have room for a huge cutting board, a mixer, or a giant rolling pin.
I started off with this recipe I found online.
Being the heathen I am, I used Earth Balance instead of butter because that’s what I always have in my fridge. So, I paid attention to the number of melted ounces it called for. I do think I undershot this compared to what 3/4 of a stick of butter would’ve been. I’m going to increase it next time.
Then, I really don’t think I had quite enough flour, so I’m going to increase that by 1/4 cup next time to make sure I can work it evenly throughout the pan. I ended up adding more water to try to get rid of the loose flour, but it was a bit rough going. I contemplated throwing it out but felt it probably wouldn’t be horrible the way it was.
Once I got my mangy-looking crust in the pan (perfect on one half and hard/dry on the other half), I popped it in the fridge overnight.
The next day, I made my quiche in it. I took the first piece from the “dry” half. It was a little crunchy but perfectly edible. (It was, after all, just flour, water, and butter.)
And then I sat back in awe. I had just made a whole quiche from scratch! How simply incredible was that? And I probably wouldn’t have done any of this if it wasn’t for the two cartons of dumpster eggs I was trying to use up a few months ago.
I can’t wait to make my next crust using what I learned from the first one.
📑 Project Updates
And it begins!
If you’d like to get a last-minute donation in for my Arts Marathon fundraiser for Bridge to Rutland, please do it today! I only need $37 in donations to reach my goal!
Otherwise, if you donated, expect an email from me shortly with a link to my first video!
Cute Cross Stich
This cross stitch is the essence of the way I live my life.
I was totally wigged out by the way they showed this in a frame on Etsy. What kind of psychopath would align it this way in a round frame?
So, I added a row of stars that rounded out the bottom. I am so tickled with it and can’t wait to show it to you in the frame I ordered from Etsy.
⏰️ Currently
🦧 Feeling overwhelmed by the shitshow the crazy leaders of the world are creating for their own interests. We, the majority of the people, need to take back control.
🧶 Happy to have a fun project for the month of April (my Arts Marathon cross stitch and videos) to keep me focused on joy.
✈️ Excited about a travel opportunity this fall that will be a wonderful adventure.
Shit show is right! I think we're all feeling overwhelmed by it.