A Logistical Nightmare
Working through the requirements to qualify for NACA
The NACA portal is turning out to be a nightmare. I had to disconnect it from my credit unions because I kept repeatedly getting alerts on my phone asking if it was me trying to log in.
They literally want self-employed people to manually categorize two years of work transactions from every financial account. This would take me several months of full-time work to accomplish. Fortunately, I've already done this in my bookkeeping program, and I think they will take that.
Their system also lists each of my student loans twice. So, that needs to be corrected.
I can see how people would become very frustrated by this process.
I'm powering through, though, because I do think they can help me in the end.
I also called about a traditional mortgage. While I was on the phone with them, I looked at my bookkeeping register to see how much I made last year, and it was depressingly low. It's why I have a $10k balance on one of my credit cards. Between car troubles in 2023, hospital bills last year, and then going on a trip I wouldn't have gone on if I’d known things would turn out the way they did, there were things I couldn't pay from my income (but that I'd planned to pay off last year).
Seeing last year's income hit me pretty hard. Pair that with some things that were said to me recently about my worth and my profession, and it left me feeling really down. I sometimes wonder what my ongoing value is to the world. Nobody wants to feel like their skills are no longer needed, either because there’s too much competition, too many alternatives, or because they’re too old. Having a sense of value and purpose goes a long way toward a sense of self-worth.
I have a few likely projects for this year and one that is still a bit of a mystery. I intend to see what the job prospects are like once I get up north, but it's hard to do that from here. I know the pay will be much better up there, but what about the competition? I’m trying to stay optimistic and curious.
What I really need right now, in case you have ideas, is to get a decent W2 paycheck for three months so a bank will give me a loan. The person I just spoke to at the above mortgage lender said they don't really give it a shit what happens after the mortgage is signed. (Cue my rage screaming into the void.)
Literally, I just need to make it look like I have a good paying W2 job for three months. Of course, easier said than done as I've told you about my friends who have been trying unsuccessfully to get jobs for a year or more. Plus, the job, unless remote, would need to be in Troy, NY or they'll likely wonder how I'll keep the job into the future. But a remote job would work no matter where it was located.
Just me still trying to work a miracle!
🧿 Life Observations
A Creative Outlet
It's really killing me not to work on my next book right now, but I need to concentrate on 1) losing weight, 2) buying a house, and 3) more paid work.
As a consolation prize, I bought this little journal to add an image to every day with a little caption. The images are printed with my Poooli printer, which uses thermal printing. It's a really cool device, but the downside is that in 10 years or so, the images will probably all be blank. Like thermal receipts, the image fades over time. But I'm a fan of ephemeral art, so it's all good.
(Full disclosure: I had a book idea that morphed from a letter I wanted to leave when I die, and I simply could not stop myself from creating a new book in Atticus and writing 1000 words. I guess when you're a writer, you have to write. We'll see where that goes.)
My Christmas Cactus
Last year, I was over the moon when my Christmas cactus had one amazing bloom. This year, I got about eleven buds, and I have four open blooms so far. It’s been so exciting to watch.
The flowers are white with multiple layers and a bright fuscia stamen in the middle. They are brilliant, and I love them so much.
It’s fun to have the plant indoors for this cold snap. Libby has been very good about it, which makes me wonder if she’d be OK with others. She loves to chew on things, especially anything even remotely resembling food.
I hope this plant continues to thrive.
⏰️ Currently
😴 Feeling very tired lately. I think my hormones are shifting yet again.
😳 Am numb from watching the California fires. As an environmentalist, I hate to be right.
🤬 Preparing myself mentally for the presidential shitshow that is about to ensue and feeling enraged at the billionaires lining up to benefit.